It was 4 a.m. and I was lying in bed wide awake. I was listening for the front door to open. I had been waiting for it to open for the past 4 hours. Where was he? Where was my live in boyfriend on a Sunday night/Monday morning? Honestly, I knew where he was but didn’t want to believe it. He was with the other girl he had been talking to. I had been dealing with this situation pretty frequently. Loosing A TON of sleep. I knew the relationship was over but I was trying to hold out until the end of my rental lease before we moved on.
Finally at 4:15 a.m. my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number but my gut told me who it was and my gut was right. It was the county jail. Yep, my boyfriend had gotten pulled over and arrested for a DUI. I knew it was coming. But why is he calling me to bail him out and not the girl he had been hanging out with all night? Oh yea, I’m the girl he can ALWAYS depend on no matter how much it affects me or disrupts my life. So off I go to the jail at 4:30 in the morning (that experience is a whole different blog!). Little did I know it was going to take me over 24-hours to get him out and I was going to go 48-hours without sleep. Another inconvenience for me. Maybe this will be an eye opener for him and things will go back to normal and we will live happily ever after like I always wanted.
Well that happily ever after part lasted about a week and then everything went back to how it was. I was struggling about what to do. Let him continue living with me so I can save up some money or save my sanity and tell him to leave. This had been an issue for me for about four months. What do I do?
Then one day the answer came to me. I honestly felt like it was God talking to me. One of the greatest spiritual experiences I have ever had. I was standing in the mirror doing my hair, thinking about the situation like I had been doing a lot lately, and a voice in my mind said “just let him go, I will take care of you.” I felt a strong sense of comfort when I heard that voice. I had somehow forgotten that I had lived on my own and taken care of myself for the majority of my adult life. It finally clicked with me! So for the first time in my life, I took a stand and gave him a week to move out. It felt good to put myself and my sanity first. I did have a big cry session when I walked into my home for the first time after he left but I knew my sadness wasn’t going to last.
Fast forward to a year later when I saw him for the first time since he moved out. It was at a going away party for a mutual friend. I was ready to show him how amazing my life was and that I didn’t need him, and he made a BIG mistake! I had a little chip on my shoulder I will admit.
When he walked through that door everything changed in the blink of an eye. I saw him and all my anger towards him immediately went away. What was the point of being angry at him? How would that benefit me? Would walking around with this chip on my shoulder, thinking bad thoughts about him really be healthy for me? I finally understood what it was like to forgive someone for yourself and it felt good!
So to that I say, Thank you Ex-boyfriend! Thank you for making me learn how to stick up for myself and to love myself first. Thank you for showing me that no matter how bad someone hurts you or treats you, it is still possible to forgive. And when you do truly forgive, you are doing it for yourself and no one else. Forgiveness is such a strong feeling when you truly do it! It changes your way of thinking about things.
So once again….Thank you Ex-boyfriend.