If you have been following my blog and have read my bio in my about section, you have read that I thought I would have been married and have had a few kids by now. Welp, I am still without husband and without child! Ever since I have hit my thirties, I have always questioned my future with kids. I recently read an article on the Huffington Post that stated that according to the U.S. Census Bureau’s Current Population Survey, in 2014, 47.6% of woman between the ages of 15-44 had never had children and that was up from the previous year. One can assume that the trend is continuing to go up in 2015 and 2016. The article went on to state that this was an all time low. So what is changing and why are woman choosing to not have kids?
I think this is a two-part question. Yes, their are woman out there choosing to not have kids but in my opinion all these statistics assume that it’s the woman’s CHOICE. What about the woman who cannot have kids for many different reasons? Let’s break this up into two parts:
- Why woman choose not to have kids
- They are not financially stable
- They want their career to come first
- They do not want to put another human being before themselves
- They do not want to go through the pain of giving birth
- Why woman cannot have kids
- They are single and not financially able to do it by themselves
- They physically cannot carry a child due to medical reasons
- They want to have a child with a husband but they haven’t found the right mate yet.
- They are past the age of 35 where chances of being able to conceive drastically goes down.
Over the past couple of years I have been in both situations. I dated guy that did not want kids and it gave me the opportunity to think about what life would be without kids. I never had the opportunity to think about life without kids because I always thought that’s what you were supposed to do. I appreciated being given the opportunity to think about it and if my “at the time boyfriend” and I ended up staying together I think I would have been OK with not having children. At the age I was at (age 35), it was more important for me to have a life partner than to have children because who knows if I would even be able to conceive a child. This concept is and was so hard to explain to everyone, including my boyfriend at the time. I was not sacrificing having a child for him. I was forced to look at my future in a different way and after much soul-searching, I realized I would be ok with not having children because having a life partner was more important to me.
Now that I am back to being on my own, I wonder if the possibility of having children still exists. I am at the age where the chances of me being able to have kids has drastically gone down. If I do have a child I would want one with my husband and I am not even dating anyone at this time so I’m not even close to being on the path to having a child the way I would like to. However, even though this may sound depressing to some reading this I have come to terms with it and accepted that I may not have been meant to have kids. So how have I become so content with this?
How I have made myself content about not having children:
- Realizing and accepting that God has a different plan for me
I strongly believe that we are put on this earth for a specific reason. Your reason may not include having kids. That may be a hard concept to grasp but if you are a believer in God, and a believer in their being a reason why you are put here on earth, then you can feel at peace with this. Searching and discovering the reason why you are here will help you come to peace with not having your own children in your life. You were meant for something more! If you can believe that.
- Establishing stronger relationships with my niece/nephew and close friend’s children
Everyone who has children can always use a little help every once in a while. I have a sister who has two young children who I like to spoil and spend time with as often as I can. I hope that they can have a close relationship with me and feel comfortable to come to me whenever they want to.I also have a very close friend who is single and adopted a child. She works full-time as a teacher and cares for her son on her own. This girl is a saint. The fact that she not only saved this child’s life from having a terrible future (that’s a whole other blog post) she is also doing it on her own. She does have support from her family and friends but I do know it is still very difficult for her. Although my friend and I have very different lives now, I do try to remember that she is doing this on her own and try to help her out or give her a break when I can (I must admit I need to do more).
I have been around my friend’s son and my niece and nephew since they were born. I hope that always being in their lives will develop deeper and more meaningful relationships with all of them. I know that seeing children grow, even if they are not my own, is something that fills a hole in my heart and because I don’t have my own children I have more time to spend with them!
- Sponsoring a child in need
At the beginning of 2016 I decided that I wanted to give back more to the less fortunate. I decided to sponsor a child through a nonprofit organization called World Vision. I sponsored a 10 year old girl from Malawi. This gives me the opportunity to support a child financially while also getting some of my desires fulfilled. I am able to write letters, send gifts and even visit my child if I want to. She is able to respond to my letters. I can watch her grow through her pictures the organization posts. I am able to have an impact on a child which in return fulfills what I believe is part of a woman’s desire to have a child.
- Loving more on my pet
OK, so I may not have a child but I do have a pet that I need to take care of! Meet Taz my crazy, high maintenance, fat cat!
These are the ways I have decided to fulfill my desire of having a child without having a child. I am not saying that having a child is completely out of the question for me, but as I get older I have decided what is healthy for me mentally is to be content with where I am at this very moment. However, you cannot help but think about the future. If the future dictates no children for me I will be content with it because of the ways I have listed above.
Having children or not having children is a very personal issue for women. I know there are women out there trying so hard to conceive and they can’t. I know their are woman out there who want so bad to have a family and they are just growing older with no vision of a family in their future. I truly hope this post can help at least one person to find comfort in their lives. We are put on this earth for a reason. It may not be the reason you thought or the reason you want, but when you find it you will find peace in the things you can’t have.